Dear Women,
For the next few minutes, I would like you to drop whatever self-constructed idea you have about yourselves. Just for a few minutes, I ask you to tear down all the perceptions that you’ve developed over the years, about what it is to be a woman and hear me out. Why me? Because I too, once hated being a woman.
We are taught that we are the inferior race and that we are cursed to be born females. I personally watched my own parents give my brother privileges that I could only dream of, and when I asked why, I was repeatedly told “because your brother is a male.” Just like that, with no further explanation. In my culture, and probably in many others, if you are a man your existence is glorified from the second you are born. Baby girls are not met with that much excitement. In fact, some family members will even go far as claiming that the mother is cursed as she is not carrying any baby boys.” Science tells us that it is neither parent that gets to decide. I’ve also frequently heard other women say “Poor Mr. So and so, what an unfortunate marriage! His wife is unable to bear baby boys!”
To be a man is to be exempt from household chores, the color pink and even virginity. Men are taught to be stallions from the minute they learn how to walk and talk. Over the years I’ve heard many mothers worry about whether their sons are virgins or not. The fact that they could be virgins terrified them. They even encouraged their sons to fool around with women that are not from their background, but the woman they decide to marry must be as “pure” and spotless as the color white itself. Untouched, inexperienced, naïve and of-course having child-bearing hips.
Putting aside a man’s upbringing, let’s take a look at girls for a moment. For young women, climbing trees is off limits, sex is taboo or even forbidden and education is a luxury for some. Many times my own father told me not to dare to dream. My life at one point was pretty much planned out. I was allowed to go to university, but I was not allowed to excel in my career, because women are made for husbands and children. There’s a popular saying where I’m from which goes, “May all your days feel as festive as a wedding.” I’m pretty sure I don’t speak for myself only when I say girls are prepped for marriage from the very beginning. Quite literally, we feel like our purpose depends on a man. Where I’m from even if you were lucky enough to get an education, the way you are congratulated is: “Good job, but now it is time to get married.”
Most mothers obsessively pressure their daughters with plastic surgery, diets and make up so that a man can accept them. Physical appearance is the only item on the checklist. Smarts? Forget about it. In fact, if a woman is outspoken she is “troublesome,” so better stay away from her. My mother’s mother taught her to constantly be in tip top shape at all times and to literally obey her husband. Through most of my life I felt that my mother was a wife first, a mother second and a human last. It was painful to watch. I always felt doomed! Was this where my life was heading? What was even the point of living? I hate being a woman! Why god why? And those were only the adversaries I was dealing with at home, not to mention the constant bombardment from media to look and act a certain way. But once I gained awareness I chose to shift my perspective.
These conditions set from a young age result in two things: a competitive attitude to other women and/or resentment towards men. The goal: to rise above. How? by gaining awareness and choosing to look through the lens of love or non-judgment.
This blog is not an attempt to rile you up and certainly not an attempt to get you to hate the men in your life, because what we are oblivious to is the price that men pay to feel entitled. “The Mask of Masculinity,” by Lewis Howes, is a book I’ve recommended many times before and will continue to recommend as it has the power to heal both men and women. Hate never solved anything. Also it is too heavy to carry. Understanding puts our hate and anger to rest, and allows us to identify thus deal with the problem lightly.
The oppressor is always more hurt than the oppressed. I know what you’re thinking, how can you say that Tee! What did the oppressed ever do to deserve cruel treatment? But keep in mind that, only hurt people hurt people. While boys are taught to feel entitled, they are also forbidden from crying. They are taught to “man up.” Showing emotion equals weakness, only anger is allowed. They are pressured to provide and “be the man of the house” when they should be coloring and playing. They are taught to focus on quantity rather than quality of women. Their manhood revolves around the length of their penis from a young age. They compare and contrast themselves and are victimized in “locker room conversations.” That’s got to be rough!
Society has trained men to be emotionless, sex driven, money-making machines. To me, there is no mystery why they cling to those masks! Choose to forgive the men in your life. Forgive them for they simply don’t know any better. Forgiveness does not mean that you are choosing submission at all! It means that you are choosing to heal your heart and the men in your life and that is how you take your power back. You are choosing kindness, and that is where true strength lies. I understand your anger and frustration. Feel your anger once and for all. Go through your pain and then transmute it into courage and drive to change the fate of many generations after us!
I wasn’t always a girl’s girl. I’ve done and said some nasty things to other girls because I allowed my jealousy to take over. Does that sound familiar to you? I’ve even hated on feminists and claimed that they give us a bad name! But let me tell you something, if it weren’t for feminists all over the world standing up and speaking out, we’d be stuck in the past. Keep in mind, that there was a point in time when we weren’t allowed to vote, speak, work or drive, and those are only recent developments, not to mention the unspeakable injustices that were overlooked 100 years ago. Feminists are working hard for equality, not superiority. The point is, stop competing and judging other women! It doesn’t serve you! It’s actually quite exhausting! Just think, while you were too busy judging her, she actually could’ve enriched your life one way or another.
To all woman across the world, other women and men are not your enemies. Turn inwards and heal yourself first, by understanding rather than judging. Understanding leads to love and healing, judging leads to further hate. On the outside, men and woman are different and there is nothing wrong with that. We are different. But on the inside we are the same: stardust. Choose to be a a believer in energy rather than gender.
Dear women, you are all perfect just the way you are. Each and every one of you is a valuable member of society. You all matter! While the world profits from your lack of self esteem, choose self-love above everything! Stay kind in cruel situations. Don’t let circumstances make you “savage.” Don’t ever feel like you need to be a “bitch” to get things done. You have much to offer and there is a loving sisterhood around you to catch you if you fall.
If I could give each and every little boy and girl the biggest hug in the world, I most certainly would, but for now the most we can do is admit that humanity is broken and we must be willing to heal ourselves to heal the world. Through my journey I’ve grown to love the fact that I am woman! I’ve tapped into my divine femininity and felt an inner blossoming I’ve never felt before! Your inner goddess is right there inside of you waiting to be discovered.
With loving energy,
Tee
Peace of Tee 