Freedom From Resentment

Cultivating peace isn’t solely about incorporating new habits into our lives. It’s also about releasing certain blockages. We may think that feelings of resentment are how we teach others a lesson for mistreating us, but the truth is, resentment only harms the beholder. Consider that resentment is like a cancerous seed. When we water and feed it, it grows into an ugly monster that steals sunlight from other healthy seeds that have the potential to grow into wonderful manifestations, such as joy, passion or kindness.

Resentment and revenge are nothing but a waste of your energy and time. They have the ability to age your soul and hold you back from living a well deserved happy life. If you’re ready to start your cleansing process and live to your highest potential, the below step by step method will guide you to a step closer to freedom everyday:

1. Grab a pen and paper and start by making a list of things in your life that caused you to harbor any feelings of resentment. These could include your boss, your parents, your ex, a situation or even money.

2. By noting the approximate time in your life that you felt hurt or mistreated you will become aware of just how long you’ve been carrying resentment in your heart. This will also show you how long you’ve been holding yourself back! Is it still worth it? Does something someone did to you x amount of years ago, still have the power to hinder you? Are you ready to take your power back?

3. Replace judgement with understanding. Next to each of your points, ask yourself: why? Most of the time we tend to forget that only hurt people, hurt people. Here, you are finally cleansing your resentment and learning to become a more compassionate person.

For example, “I realize I have been resentful towards my mother since I was 5 years old because she chose to hit me to teach me a lesson. Why?  I am now aware that my mother hit me because her mother hit her. She is conditioned that way, and while that doesn’t excuse what she did, I refuse to let this memory have power over my life now.”

You may even realize that you were part of the problem! Perhaps you could’ve communicated your thoughts and expectations better. The point of this exercise is not to dwell on the past but to take responsibility and gain clarity. Remember, you cannot begin to fix an issue without first identifying it. You can only come out winning by finally choosing to learn from the past.

4. End each point with the following mantra: “I choose to reinterpret this point with love. I consciously release any resentment I have towards __________ (whatever the point is)

5. You can take your cleansing process a step forward and visualize yourself standing in front of your subject and saying “I forgive you, I release you.”

Most of us refuse to forgive because we believe forgiveness excuses the actions of another person but in reality, lack of forgiveness is like giving your power away! You are allowing yourself to be affected. There is a way to forgive a situation and only take the lesson with you. The lesson doesn’t burden you like resentment. It doesn’t weigh you down and steal your light. The lesson makes you stronger.

I personally started this little daily exercise a month ago and have never felt freer. You’d be surprised by how a tiny bit of “hashing it out” with yourself, could get you closer to yourself. I only hope it does the same for you 🙂

Never be afraid of reaching out to a professional. If you’ve done this exercise for over a month and still hold a cauldron of negative feelings within you, seek an alternative medicine healer, a psychologist or a life coach. There are people out there dedicated to helping you!

With loving energy,

Tee

THEY TELL ME..

They tell me,

“For, it is my right!”

Ego unfree,

Face red, face tight.

 

They seem to have forgotten,

A precious birthright,

In all that is rotten,

It died in daylight.

 

Gentle reminder,

For it is your right,

To nature be kinder,

Your health you smite.

 

Nature and souls

Bind together,

There are no holes.

Oneness forever.

 

A gift, a home,

The only one,

A human syndrome,

Without it, we’re none.

 

With loving energy,

Tee

STOCKHOLM SYNDROME

Stockholm syndrome*

noun

       feelings of trust or affection felt in many cases of kidnapping or hostage-taking by a victim towards a captor.

*Google Definitions.

I was on the phone with my sister getting so worked up about my sense of independence when she interrupted me and said “it’s like you have Stockholm syndrome..” My brain froze, my thoughts paused and I felt unbelievably dumbstruck. Have we grown so accustomed to our suffering that we start to love it? Subconsciously, I believe so.

The pain that comes from lack of action (choosing to bitch and complain rather than do something) is far less than acceptance and exposure to vulnerability. The unknown is so scary to us that we’d rather stick to something we know, regardless of the suffering it brings.

The same can apply to our thoughts, lifestyle, love life, jobs and habits. If your brain is accustomed (or taught) to self berate and belittle I’m afraid you’ve got the syndrome..but don’t we all? This doesn’t mean we don’t want to get better, it means we lack 1) awareness and 2) we are simply afraid. Even something like positive self dialogue seems scary at first only because it is unfamiliar territory.

Tony Robbins cleverly introduces the pain/pleasure motive behind everything we do or do not do.  He clearly states that most of us will not bring about positive change to our lives unless the pain of not changing becomes bigger than  pain of changing. Why is it that we need to be elbows deep into our own shit to replace our negative habits? It’s because we haven’t associated enough pleasure to change, evolvement, vulnerability and risk. We have, however, associated heaps of pleasure to our comfort zones.

As we continued speaking, I also realized that our constant grip on wining/losing or succeeding/failing brings about pressure that doesn’t exist outside our minds. This man-made pressure of duality is what further feeds our Stockholm syndromes. It creates more fear, and well fear is what paralyzes us. The truth is, there is no failure, and as cliche as it sounds, it’s true! What we call “failure” are actually stepping stones to winning!

The cure to the Stockholm syndrome, is a conscious acceptance of vulnerability. Just saying “Well alright tee, xyz makes me feel vulnerable but gosh wouldn’t it be an adventure too? Think of all the new experiences you can have!” This approach can build:

1) Awareness – awareness of old thought patterns and vulnerability

2) Positive self dialogue

3) Associating more pleasure that pain to vulnerability

Take that Stockholm syndrome!

With loving energy,

Tee

 

ADDICTION

She takes my hand

She curdles my blood

Our hearts sing

Our veins flood.

 

I come alive

Light as a feather

Twirling in a dream

We’re better together.

 

The veil comes down

No more dread

Unconditioned thoughts

Dancing in my head.

 

Clouds clear

Truth sets

War creeps

With regrets.

 

Lock and loaded

Endless war

Thoughts fired

More and more..

 

My mind races

My body bleeds

Let it go!

Death pleads

 

Eyes void

Unfamiliar reflection

Who am I..

Without my prescription?

 

Soul unveiling

Untying knots

Could it be

I’m more than my thoughts?

 

With loving energy,

Tee

ECO-ANXIETY: A SLOW DEATH

I toss and turn,

My body aches my mind lies

I wake up,

The sun sings the birds cry

I step outside,

Buildings rave squirrels die.

 

I cross the road,

Cars rage my lungs weep

I look around,

Artificial memories start to creep

I speed up,

Am I still stuck in sleep?

 

Panic struck,

Why is it all still here?

I run and run

Ridden by fear

Faster, faster!

My existence so drear,

 

I fall to my knees,

I scream I scream

Blood pumping,

Against the stream

Fists clenched,

Am I so extreme?

 

Alive yet lifeless,

Shielded mask

Alive yet lifeless,

Dust at dusk

Alive yet lifeless,

It’s time to unmask!

 

It dawns on me,

I take a breath

I suffocate,

Don’t hold your breath!

For this is

A slow death.

 

 

THE PART EVERYONE LEAVES OUT

It is extremely comforting to remember that the greatest things in life take time. It took Gandhi 27 years to liberate the people of India. Einstein had to wait 14 years for a solar eclipse to prove his theory of relativity. Walt Disney spent 10 years failing and even became homeless before his empire took off.

It is absolutely no secret that the fast paced world we live in today has affected our ability to be patient. Gaining awareness for this impatience is the first step to cultivating some well deserved inner peace! By first witnessing our impatience in a waiting room, for instance, we can unlock the door to freedom in the present moment.

The same can apply when we are awaiting the manifestation of professional accomplishments. While some people give up before they even try due to a fear of failure, others are simply too impatient to keep going. Impatience creates resistance to the flow of co-creation with the universe. It also creates inner resistance because we put ourselves in a place of non-acceptance and lower our vibrational frequency.

While impatience affects our physical manifestations, we can go a step further or better yet, a step inwards and gain awareness for how impatience even affects our ability to be more positive in life. This impatience is reflected in our inner dialogue. We all have inner voices. We even have thoughts worded and amplified in our mothers’ voices! Cultivating empowering inner dialogue is also something that requires patience.

If you’re someone who has experienced daily verbal and mental abuse, cultivating empowering dialogue and becoming your own cheerleader is something that will take time and patience. When I first started to gain awareness and change my thought patterns, I experienced a lot of back and forth. There where days when I felt extremely uncomfortable and even a little crazy. My inner conversation went something like this:

-“What’s the point of even trying? There’s no way this meeting is going to work out.”

-“Stop it why are you always putting yourself down?! It’s time to change!”

-“If you don’t f***ing get to it.. it will never happen. Stop kidding yourself tee..”

-“What is wrong with you?! You can’t even have a little positive inner dialogue!”

-“I’m exhausted…”

Till this day I have moments of impatience as negative thoughts intrusively creep into my head, but with time and practice I’ve grown to accept and release them. I continued to release my thoughts through writing until the the inner dialogue became something like this:

-“What’s the point..?”

-“I recognize this limiting thought as a false belief. I choose to forgive and let it go. I choose to focus on all that is positive in my life.”

(This where I pull out my journal or go into meditation, yoga or mindfulness)

The part that everyone leaves out is that it is perfectly okay to feel discomfort as you alter your habits. It is perfectly okay to even feel a little crazy as you empower your thoughts. It is perfectly okay to take the time you need to undo years of conditioning.

Be kind and be patient with yourself.

With loving energy,

Tee

BIRD’S EYE VIEW

While meditation enables a portal into deep inner silence, it also cultivates the art of letting go. Throughout the day our minds are working overtime to strategize, solve problems, dwell on past events and more. Spending too much time in our heads is what makes us prisoners to our own thoughts, as our minds become the commanders of our existence. The reason why we suffer from depression, stress and anxiety is because we become identified with those thoughts which we also cannot seem to keep up with.

The drawback: We miss out on being.

Contrary to common belief, meditation is about witnessing your thoughts, accepting them and then letting them go rather than controlling them, which can bring about frustration. By cultivating a meditation practice and letting go of your thoughts and shifting attention to your body or heartbeat will create a gap between two identities: Being and thinking.

By witnessing thoughts that come and go, you are able to elevate your sense of spiritual identity. As I mediate, I personally feel like a bird flying high looking down on the mental chatter and clutter, and I am able to see my thoughts for what they really are, false belief systems.

What Are Belief Systems? Consider the below situation:

Two people, Sisi and Lulu, are presented with the same opportunity. Sisi shies away and feels she will fail before she even tries, meanwhile Lulu seizes the opportunity and blossoms. Why is it that Lulu goes for it and Sisi shoots herself in the leg before she even begins? Belief systems.

Lulu is probably getting up every morning telling herself that she is a winner and she is a force to be reckoned with! She is convinced that nothing can bring her down. Maybe her parents empowered her as a child, or maybe not. The point is that she decided at one point or another to plant a seed of intention which grew into an unshakable and strong tree with strong deep roots and branches that reach for the stars. She is the decider of her fate and has cultivated empowering inner self dialogue. She has chosen to be responsible for her own life and fate. Lulu has even removed the word “can’t” from her vocabulary.

Sisi rolls out of bed every morning thinking “What’s the point?” She spent her life watching her father remain in a risk free zone since she was born, while her mother was a stay at home mom who remained passive about most things her whole life. She spent her life believing she wasn’t good enough because her 3rd grade teacher once told her that she would never amount to anything. She plants the seed of doubt in her mind everyday and waters it with thoughts of unworthiness. She has really managed to build a strong belief that she is nothing more than a victim to life’s circumstances. Sisi uses less “I can!” and more “I can’t!”

Sisi has the tools and knowledge to accomplish just as much as Lulu, but it is her assumed truths that are holding her back. That’s exactly what our belief systems are! Nothing more than assumed truths that are derived from our experiences.

The good news is that beliefs can be changed! So why not plant the seeds that empower us? We’ve already spent enough time and energy doing the the opposite and we know that hasn’t been serving us! A big part of taking full responsibility for our lives includes altering our false belief systems! It’s time to get excited about feeling empowered!

With loving energy,

Tee

 

 

TICK. TOCK.

Albert Einstein was once asked to explain his theory concerning time relativity. His response:

“When you sit with a nice girl for two hours you think it’s only a minute, but when you sit on a hot stove for a minute you think it’s two hours. That’s relativity.”

Mind blowing.

What Einstein dared to explain is that it’s all in our heads! Life is relative to our perception of reality. Have you ever been in a waiting room and focused on time so much that it almost feels like your stuck in time?

In a world so insta-sized, we feel as though we are constantly running out of time. Instant noodles, Instagram and “instant relief” remedies are all quite recent terminologies in relation to the length of human existence. Our life now happens at “the click of a button.” It’s no secret that we’re living in a fast paced world and we often feel the pressures of keeping up. There is no doubt that this combination of speed and pressure is why we are all experiencing increased levels of stress, depression and anxiety. We are constantly bombarded by emails, texts, media, social media and phone calls to a point where we actually feel uneasy and “lost” when we lose or break our phones! We even feel disconnected from the world and suddenly alone!

Technology is like a double edged sword.While it makes us feel bombarded, it also makes our lives a lot easier! Could you imagine waiting months for a pigeon to bring back a written letter from a loved one? Not to mention all the innovations and advancements that have helped us in the fields of science and medicine. We are also instantly connected to the rest of the world! That’s pretty exciting!

Considering that our “waiting time” has been reduced exponentially over the years, why are we constantly running out of time? As perceivers of time and reality, perhaps we’re not running out of time but our constant need for more makes us feel like we can’t keep up!

It is not time that we’re trying to keep up with, but rather ourselves. Our ego’s are on one hell of a desire trip. We run on “likes” and the next big thing. We’ve even developed a fear of missing out (FOMO) because the internet allows us to exists in more than one space, even on a virtual level.  We now exist physically and virtually. Our depression dominates when we feel like our virtual existence is far from the truth. This gap between who we really are and what we portray, makes us feel like we need to pursue more to keep up. All while neglecting our spiritual essence.

When our minds are constantly focused on the future, feelings of stress and anxiety dominate. That is because our bodies are trying to keep up with our mind on fast forward. Some of us are either imprisoned and depressed by the past, anxious for the future or a combination of both. But these projections can be altered!

The key to freedom is in the present moment. 

When we root ourselves into the present moment our minds are not concerned with neither, the past or the future. Time no longer exists in the present moment because you are in a state of being, rather than thinking. Our senses are engaged with our surroundings, clear of any thoughts.

Being present isn’t something we haven’t done before! Try and remember an embrace with a loved one when time didn’t matter, or a moment when you were dancing or painting, maybe even playing a instrument or spinning records. Alan Watts once said:

“The sound of the rain needs no translation. In music one doesn’t make the end of the composition the point of the composition… Same way in dancing, you don’t aim at one particular spot in the room… The whole point of dancing is the dance.”

The idea is to get out of heads and into our hearts by doing and thinking less, and being more:

1. Pursuing a passion makes makes time fly, yes enjoyable! Wouldn’t you rather warp time in your favor?
2. Meditation. Frequent meditations can help you cultivate more presence and peace in your life by becoming the non-judgmental witness of your thoughts. See “Meditation Simplified” entry.
3. Mindfulness is another way to bring awareness to everything that we already do by engaging our senses. See “Mindfulness 101”
4. Adopt a pet! Pets have the ability to bring joy, presence and even healing into your life.
5. Train yourself to consciously see the beauty in everything around you at all times.
6. Daily gratitude lists can help you realize all that is positive in your life now, rather than preoccupy yourself with future desires.

 

Reflections

For me, learning wasn’t always fun. In fact, I think I speak for most when I say the traditional educational system is nerve wracking and stressful. I always felt like I was being tested and examined, also, growing up in a strict household made learning  pretty much a nightmare. But after my awakening I remembered how much I loved learning! Maybe it was due to the shedding of conditional layers that took me back to who I really am or maybe it was a sudden thirst for knowledge after a long self induced coma.

Among the books I read was one by Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant within. He so cleverly explained:

“The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you.”

This also applies to learning. When I found a way to make learning fun again, I read approximately three books a month and my knowledge absolutely flourished to new levels. The truth is, most of us get stuck in a rut because we think we already know it all. That is exactly how we close ourselves off from potential solutions. I admit that many people take a look at some of the self help books I read and are quick to judge how cliche they appear. I cannot stress enough how dropping judgement and opening up to new ideas and thought concepts, could help you break your cycles and replace old habits, just as I did.

Reading and learning has the ability to enrich your life like no other and so I will forever encourage it. Moreover, question everything you read. Apply it to your own life and see how it feels. No book or even person out there has the ability to heal you but what they do have the ability to do, is show you how to heal yourself. Application of knowledge is where the magic really happens.

The reason for this particular entry is not solely to encourage you to read but to use what you read to better understand yourself. One vital piece of information I learnt and only hope to share is understanding our emotional triggers.

Listen to what triggers you. 

For the longest time ever my father’s anger used to trigger me into a frenzy. I couldn’t understand why he chose to taint every single experience with a burst of anger. Literally everything and anything used to tick him off and it drove me crazy, until I realized I was exactly the same.

What we hate most about other people is what we actually hate most about ourselves, otherwise it wouldn’t bother us so much! Now, this may be news to some, or a given to others, the point is, start paying attention to what triggers you! As Alan Cohen once said, everyone and everything that shows up in our life is a reflection of something that is happening inside of us. Now you may assume that you just can’t help it if someone does something that, directly or indirectly, pisses you off. But anger just never feels good! It is also usually followed by feelings of guilt. It is purely a state of reactivity, in which there is no awareness or choice being made. Responsibility is knowing you have the choice to either allow yourself to feel angry and low, vibrationally speaking, or remain unshakable in your inner peace. In other words, nothing has the power to make you angry, you chose to get angry. Responsibility means freedom. It means taking your power back!

By understanding that the world is a reflection of yourself and your perception, you can now start to use this information to improve, not just your attitude but your whole life experience! By digging deeper into your triggers you are able to identify your own wounds, accept them and then heal them. Remember that we cannot begin to fix a problem, without identifying it in the first place.

Use the physical world around you as your mirror to elevate yourself into a metaphysical dimension and most importantly, be kind to yourself in the process!

With loving energy,

Tee

What really matters

I want to start off by expressing how much the human mind just fascinates me! It is such an important part of our body, yet up until now, it hasn’t been fully understood. What blows my mind even more (see what I did there?), is that the human brain is actually attempting to understand itself! In fact, it was a brain that has named our brains, “brain.” But I wasn’t always fascinated by my own mind, truth is, my mind was something I barely understood, and since I was identified with my mind, I barely understood myself. Furthermore, my brain was a toxic place to be, before I gained a little awareness.

60,0000 is the number of thoughts the average brain has in one day. 60,000! Clearly, the human mind is extremely busy. Calculating, evaluating, judging, predicting, reminiscing, analyzing, scheming, and planning are just some of its tasks which begs the question: How are you choosing to use your brain?

There was a point in my life, when I didn’t even know I had a choice. I had no idea that I was even able to choose my thoughts. For the longest time ever I was trapped in what felt like a never ending tornado of negativity swirling around in my mind. My thoughts consisted of self judgement, negative self-talk, judgement towards others, entitlement and greed that manifested through feelings of victimization, until one day I became the witness of my thoughts.

It was a hot summer’s night in Milan, Italy, when the air conditioning overheated and started a fire in my apartment. My apartment was made of wooden walls and old classic wooden furniture, the perfect fuel for fire. I was fast asleep. As the fire raged on, I began to feel a tightness in my chest. I then started going in and out of consciousness as thick black fumes engulfed my apartment. I eventually woke up and realized what was happening. I ran out of my apartment, in the nude and then waited for help to arrive. A few moments later, it hit me..I could’ve easily slept through that fire and died!

That was the first time I took a good hard look at myself. It was like a part of me was able to elevate and look down at the mess that I’ve created. After intense catharsis, I suddenly felt grateful for the life I had, but I also realized that it was me, and nobody else, that was bringing misfortune into my life, and that life just simply cannot be 70, 80 or x amount of years, from birth to death, of utter misery.

“There must be something that I am doing to attract so much negativity in my life!” 

It was time to start unlearning all the negativity that I was taught. I dropped the blame I had toward others in my life immediately and took full responsibility. I suddenly lost total interest in the fashion industry which I had set out to conquer, in one of the largest fashion capitals of the world, because I lost interest in stuff. I refused to spend another minute of my life being the cause of my own suffering. I awakened to the fact that our stuff and bad habits are just distractions from ourselves! I also no longer wanted to be part of any industry bringing further devastation to our planet. My monstrous ego was shattered and my inner wounded child was suddenly exposed and I had to make a choice.

I am sharing this story because I hope to reach out to someone who feels like a prisoner to their own mind. If you’re out there..I feel you. I want to comfort you into knowing that there is a way out and the way out is in. You aren’t a victim to this life, and life didn’t just happen to you. You’ve just been sending out the wrong signals which have been coming right back to you. Some of us aren’t even aware of karma. We hear about it, but we don’t imagine our thoughts have anything to do it. It’s not your fault, its not like our schools are teaching us this stuff.

We don’t need to wait for disaster to strike before we realize how short life is. My experience taught me that I’ve been spending my life focusing on what’s wrong rather than what’s right. It taught me that life is a gift and it is our perspectives that determine whether it will be a fun ride or not.

Stop taking life so seriously 🙂 Who says you can’t enjoy life and it’s lessons? Your mother? Your father? Your girlfriend? I know exactly what that’s like. But other people’s views are just views. They are reflections of themselves, not you. You can have your own visions and focus on them. No one can tell you what to think and feel except you. YOU are the commander of your thoughts. Choose to empower yourself, it cannot be worse that all the self-berating you’ve been doing all this time.

Remember that you are not a victim. You are here because the universe wants you to be here and joy is your birthright!

Just ask yourself: If today was my last day, would any of this really matter?

With loving energy,

Tee